Artists Not Starved
by knives4cash
Summary: Team RWBY writes absolutely nothing, and yet, more than they planned. Hilarity ensues.


Part twenty-two of my RWBY series, "Pollination: The Bumblebee and White Rose"

* * *

"Okay, girls!" Ruby announces as she clicks her pen open and sits down at our foldout table. "We need to write another episode!"

"Right, so I have two unused ideas," I offer as I flip through my notepad. "One, Michael and Gavin frick frack. Two, Gavin and Ray frick frack." Looking our illustrious leader in the eye, I deadpan, "That's it."

"Well, we can't do those," she sighs with a shake of her head. "We already published the one where Michael and Lindsay get married, and Gavin is purely comedic relief. We can't use him for anything serious, that's not the character people have come to know and love in 'Achieve Men'."

"How about we say it was all a simulation?" Yang suggests as she plays a swordfight with two pencils. "That way, we can start all over and have all the possibilities to explore the characters?"

"Oh please!" Weiss scoffs as she combs her hair. "We've written too many story arcs! If we tell people that it all amounted to nothing, then that'll be really cheap writing."

Ugh, she has to be difficult, doesn't she. "Okay, how about this one? I've been playing around with the idea in my head for a while," I confess as I flip to another page in my booklet. "Burnie is actually an artificial intelligence?"

The three look at me. Rather bizarrely.

"To what end?" Ruby cautiously asks, squinting as she enunciates.

"It would explain how he can be a ghost and repossess bodies," I explain. It all makes perfect sense! No one could possibly debunk that-

"That's not how AI work, Blake," Weiss debunks. "But then again, we could use that for more arcs," she observes. Slowly nodding, she asks, "How about: There's an organization that made all the AI and are now trying to get them all back?"

"OH, OH! Burnie could be the super AI!" Yang realizes as she pounds the table. "And that could lead us on amazing adventures with character development and will-they-won't-they bromance moments! It could rejuvenate the shipping industry in the fanfiction community!"

"And then all of the gang could get pulled into the adventure and then have it all come to a conclusion thaaat, what?" Ruby inquires as she scribbles down notes.

"Uuuum," Team Freezerburn grinds to a halt.

"How about: Because the guy who's directing the whole operation can't get over his girlfriend? Who died? And that's why he's sad? Because she's either a pile of ashes or being eaten by maggots?" Ruby boldly offers with a twinkle in her eye.

"That's so anticlimactic, but if we wrote it, we could write it so awesomely that people wouldn't even notice!" Yang realizes, snapping her fingers in genius.

"But how would we connect the plotline?" Ruby inquires. "We'd need to make sense of it all."

"We could put one super agent man in with the gang to give a prelude to the organization, and then we could use a bunch of OCs to flush out the rest of the organization."

"But that would only serve to convolute the comedy among the original gang," I counter. "We'd be spending too much time to these backup characters rather than the main ones."

"We did it with the other show, 'Little Red Riding Hood, Snow White, Beauty, and Goldilocks,' and no one seemed to mind," Yang states. "Then again, they're probably too focused on the shipping to care," she sighs, staring off into space, wondering if all of her artistic talents will be ignored in favor of crack pairings of girls who probably won't get together. How sad.

"Yeah, I want to talk about the quality of our writing on that one at a later date," Weiss grumbles as she scribbles down her own notes. "Backlash on three out of sixteen episodes being devoted to others wasn't too smart on our part," she mutters.

"What if we did time travel?!" Ruby exclaims, realizing her genius.

"That's exactly what you said after the second season," I remind her. "When we realized that we had an audience that we weren't anticipating, and we needed an actual plot."

"But if we did time travel again, we could recycle, like, fifty percent of the footage!" Yang decides. "And, like, eighty percent of the audio!"

"BUT WE ALREADY DID THAT!" Weiss shrieks, throwing her pen at my girlfriend.

I was about to do that myself, so I suppose I can't really judge her. "How about we just do a new story all over? With a new setting and everything?"

"So let me get this straight," Ruby begins. "You want to take our established characters, and copy-paste them into a different environment, with a different plot, with different supporting characters, and have different everything except the characters?"

"Why would we do that?" Weiss groans in exhaustion.

"Because we've run out of comedy routines for them, and if we do a more serious approach, we can milk another trilogy, and possibly a trilogy to the trilogy out of them," I explain with absolute genius.

"What about unresolved plot lines in the previous seasons?" Yang asks.

"Forget about them," I declare.

"What about unresolved tensions between the characters?" Ruby asks.

"Forget about them," I declare.

"What about just unresolved characters?" Weiss asks.

"Forget about them," I declare.

"What about characters we forgot about in previous seasons? Shouldn't we bring them back?" she asks.

"Do you KNOW how much it costs to bring back actors? They'll charge five times as much if they know you've written an entire season that needs them," I state. "Just forget all the loose ends and start a new trilogy."

"That seems kind of cruel," Ruby complains with a pout.

"With the marketing team and fandom at our disposal? No one will care."

"Diabolical," Weiss observes with a nod of approval. "You'll be a CEO someday, Blake."

I bow to the best of my abilities, as I am currently sitting down in a chair. It's a folding, metal chair and very uncomfortable, but we marked a "B" in black sharpie on the bottom, so it's mine. And that makes it just a little bit less butt-hurting.

"Okay, so let's roll with this trilogy idea," Yang begins as she twirls her pencil around. "Season one, what happens?"

"We spend about ninety-percent of the season doing our usual comedy routine and character development, even though we've already done it before; but we'd want to make sure that newcomers know enough without having to marathon through nine seasons," I come up with off the top of my head.

"Season two?" Ruby asks.

"We can use a series of back-and-forth conflicts between the good guys and the bad guys to stall for time without really accomplishing anything," I suggest. "We can use fancy CGI to make the fights look cooler."

"Season three?" Weiss finishes.

Hmm. They're looking at me rather expectantly. I should come up with something.

"We'll wing it," I decide.

Weiss shoots up. "Blake, I think we've got a trilogy." Looking to the two sisters, she asks, "All in favor?"

"Aye!" It's unanimous!

I can already smell the tuna. Now I just need to call Python and let him know we're ready for mo-capping. "There is no way this could backfire!" I boldly proclaim.


End file.
